Mirrors and windows: Is EQ for YOU?
The key to successful interactions with people – relationships, if you like – can be simply described with the following metaphor.
You can choose to look at that moment using a mirror or a window. If you always use a mirror you will see everything relating back to you.
You will be using your own filters: your needs, your values, your beliefs, your emotions. If you like what you see, you will probably have constructive responses. But if you don't, then your responses may well be destructive, based on the event not making sense to the ego within you – your reflected self.
If, on the other hand, you look at the situation through a window, you will be exploring an external view. You will be examining what's actually going on outside in the world around you and viewing experiences as others may see them. You will see others and their environment. You will learn because it's not always as you thought or want. People often only respond in line with their past experiences and quite often need us to help them see the same thing in a number of different, resourceful ways.
However, if this is the only way you view things, then you may be placing others people’s needs before your own and therefore not allowing yourself to focus on the drivers that your inner self requires.
Mirrors are great if you need to re-evaluate your own performance and to find inner focus and strength in tough times. Think about using mirrors to maximise your time – to help you see what you need to do in the time allocated and stick to it by saying ‘No’ to time thieves and distractions.
Windows are often successfully used in leadership positions. They help you to see how others need motivating and share successes. Windows are equally strong when networking because they help you to listen, engage and share ideas and future actions.
When it comes to relationships, try removing the mirror and opening a window. It may just help you see things more clearly.
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticise me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”
- William Arthur Ward